Thank you all for your advice, personal experiences and support. Me and my husband have been having sex, at first feeling guilty the first week like we were doing something wrong, but now its changed to us just being intimate without the guilt. We havent been preventing pregnancy but I only have one fallopian tube because I had an ectopic pregnancy before Elijah was conceived which makes getting pregnant a bit harder or may take longer then the average 27 year old. Also I was exclusively breastfeeding Elijah before he passed so I know it can take a long time before my cycle comes back to even have the chance to get pregnant. We are thinking about just letting nature take its course and not "try" I just am scarred this is gonna happen again seeing all three of my boys have been preemies and all boys. I dont think I could go through this again but at the same time feel even if I get a short time with my child is a blessing and better then no time at all. Just very conflicting feeling I guess.
I am slowly getting back into my routine in life...I see it as my only option is to move forward and I know thats what Elijah would want. I have two other boys who need me so they have been my strength. My oldest is 10 and has cerebral palsy and is my angel here on earth. He is so positive even in such a horrible situation. He has told me not to cry for Elijah because he is with God and happy but he knows I'm sad because I miss him. He is always telling me Elijah is still here with us in our hearts and he will never be gone.
My other son is 4 so I hope he doesnt think babies=death but IDK. He talks about Elijah a lot too and has so many questions and Im doing really well with talking to him about it. I know I also need to think about how my boys will feel about another baby and I know my oldest would be excited but my 4 yo Im not too sure. Theres so much to take into consideration.
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